30 Days

" Mommy, Mommy what is this?" :D my daughter, Jamie asked.
"Its my journal."
" Read me it ":D with anticipation
I sighed and smiled "Alright, I wrote this journal on important days" I started to read...(if its in italics its the writing in the journal and if its in different colors its the next event) *Flash black*
Today was the day I was going to get married.It happened all so fast. I married someone I truly, TRULY loved.He was the sweetest, most wonderful guy ever!!! I knew somewhere in my heart that he was the one for me.I gotta go now cause we are on our honeymoon!!!! see you later!! :D I saw doodles around the page, I was such a bad drawer. I giggled and went on to the next entry.

I'M PREGNANT!!!!! Today was a special day for me because I get to raise a child with James :D I wonder what name we should name it. What toys should we get it? I am so excited!!!!!

I'm so depressed right now .... James...won't make it....He has 30 days to live......He has cancer.....I don't know what to do....I cant raise a child by myself......not one without James.....I remembered the conversation....
Doctor: Your husband, James has 30 days to live....
Me: "WHAT???!!! " I burst into tears " TELL ME YOUR LYING!!!!!!" I shook the doctor so hard
"Calm down...."
" I CAN'T CALM DOWN, MY HUSBAND'S DYING!!!!" I fell down to my knees and covered my face with my hands full of tears. When I got home that day I wrote in the journal, with my hand shaking and my tears pouring out.....( for the days I will put same color)

Day 1: I'm going to keep track of the 30 days my husband has left...He said " It will be alright so let's enjoy it while we can.." Even though he said that...I cant keep my self from worrying....

Day 2: We are going to the park to have a picnic. It was so much fun, it was like the days we were dating.

Day 3: We are going on a vacation for 1 week!!!! I cant wait!!! It will be so much fun!!!

Day 4: We are on a plane for 2 nights, so I will skip to day 6

Day 6: We have arrived in HAWAII!!!! I am gonna have fun in the sun but I cant play that much because well, I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant, so I'm gonna skip to day 13

Day 13: WE ARRIVED HOME!!!! 

Day 14: WE ARE GOING ON A TRIP AGAIN!!! NOW TO ROME!!! so we arrive on....day 21

Day 21: Those trips were the best time of my life!!! It felt like being young again!!! 

Day 22: James.... He is in the hospital. The doctor said he was experiencing pain for the last couple of days.... Why didn't he tell me!!!! (Flashblack) I remeber I was a crying when I was writing as my tears were dripping on the page..

day 23-29: I stayed until midnight when he was in the hospital. I bought him books to read everyday and talk to him. He told me that he didn't tell me  because I would be doing what I am doing now, freaking out. It was true, I would do that. I just can't keep my self from worrying....

Day 30/31: Day 30...... I wished a miracle had happened so he wouldn't die or he at least would see his child.....He was growing weaker and weaker.... His last words were , I want my child to be Jamie....He reached out to rub my tummy but stopped halfway and went to the heavens. He died on December 31. I remember I shook him hard so he would wake up. I pinched myself so I would wake up. I knew it was real but I did it anyway. I shook and quivered and put my hands to my face and sobbed as tears fell on him....Then I sucked up my tears . I told myself, to be brave....be brave... Then suddenly I felt my water broke and I was sent to the delivery room. I was on those wheel chairs. I turned my head and looked at James for one more time and a tear fell from my face. I wiped it away and put on my determined face on. I was ready to born my baby. My baby, Jamie was born on January 1. When I finished reading it , tears rolled down my face  Jamie looked at me with a frown on her face and said " Is it my fault daddy died, like a trade for daddy's life and my life?" I smiled through my tears and said " Of course not honey, everyone has to die someday."
"okay mommy :D" She smiled as I showed her the pictures I taped. It was pictures of Jamie when she was born, Pictures of her going to kindergarten and many more. After I finished Jamie asked " Can I keep this journal?"
"of course but I will give it to you later. "
" Okay, but I have to go to bathroom now and I want to make cupcakes later"
" Sure honey" I said with a smile. I stood up and I felt a whisper in my ear from behind that had the voice of James that said "We have a beautiful child and I knew you would be a great mother." I looked behind me and all I saw was a feather floating down. I got my journal,a pencil, the feather and scotch tape and wrote on the last page, Today I read Jamie my journal, and I felt James whispering in my ear. We have a wonderful child, James Then I taped the feather in the journal and left it open on the table and heard " MOMMY, I'm done!!!! Lets bake now" I went to her, picked her up and went to the kitchen....when I look back in living room I smiled as I saw another feather floating down on top of the journal.